When I'm Not There...Mission Acomplished

The date, November 16, 2017, is rebelliously glaring at me from a distance on the calendar laughing at how rapidly time is marching on...

The month of October?  Well, that would be...how much time do you have?  How much Kleenex is within reach and of course, how much chocolate is in the pantry...(or hidden in my closet?)  Did I say that?  

I have some making up for lost time in the Sappy Senior Mama department, at least in the "penning it down" category...I certainly have not derailed from experiencing the emotions of Senior Breakfast, Senior Night of football, Nathan's last snap as as high school Pirate...nope, ALL of it and MORE, I have lived through, I have cried through and on the other side of it all, am still not going to write about it...yet.  One day.  Sigh.

I sit down today to share with you all a little piece of my heart that will live on in the days and years to come for Nathan when he is away at college and even long after I am gone... 

For Nathan's fifteenth birthday, I wanted to give him something money couldn't buy...words from his mother...well, technically, $14.99 can buy words from his mother, but published words in a book weren't quite what I was looking for.

About six months ahead of his birthday, I began to pen words in a notebook specifically for him...I began to write letters to him of encouragement and love.  I filled pages with prayers and scriptures for his life and all of the days to come...I shared moments we had together, laughs and tears...I talked to him as if he were sitting in front of me and just wrote words from my heart...

My intention was to gift him this on his fifteenth birthday and continue to write in it until he went to college...and when he went to college, he would always have these words available to him when he needed to be reminded he is loved...when he needed some encouragement or a little dose of home...

When I presented him this notebook full of love from my heart, it was better than any other gift I could have given to him...he loved it.  I remember a few days after that, I walked in his room and saw the notebook on his bed...my eyes shed a few tears as he had written on the top of the notebook "If you aren't my mama, don't open this."  It was between him and me...sacred words, memories and prayers from my heart to his...he "got it."  He appreciated it and he coveted the words etched within the covers of these pages that once were empty lines of nothing... they now held so much value and worth.

I began to pick this notebook up randomly and leave him more notes and messages from my heart, filling page after page.  I noticed he began to travel with it on baseball weekends...I knew he was taking a little piece of my mama words with him...maybe he was going to need them...maybe not, but he would have them and that was precious to me.  Precious.

I'm not sure what else he will take to college other than a refrigerator and lots of food...but I am pretty sure the notebook is going to have a special place in his dorm and that makes this mama so very happy!  

I will not always physically be available, but I am doing everything I can to leave with our boys a legacy of faith, love, family and foundation that they can carry forever...some people use the phrase "giving them roots..." I'll nod my head at that too...roots...I like it.  

I'm so sappy...

But I am so content as well...I know that the years of preparation are paying off...even in something as small as this little notebook...

After typing that last sentence, I paused...I looked back and looked ahead, and I just realized now, more than ever, that the "little notebook" isn't really that small...and I am so grateful I invested time in picking up a piece of paper and a pen...

It was so worth it!

One day, when he needs me and I'm not there, he will have my heart poured out in ink and it will spill over into his heart reminding him how much his mama loves him!  It will remind him how special his heart is and how much purpose God has for his life...It will remind him of the places he has been and the good and the bad experiences he has had...it will remind him that God's plan is far bigger than we could ever think or imagine...

It will be the reassurance of love and comfort enveloped within the reassurance of God's plan and purpose penned by the one who held him long before the world knew his name...

And somewhere along the way, it will provoke a memory or three thousand...that is sure to make some good grandpa stories one day...I'm going to smile and leave it at that...

The seasons come and go, and this one is rapidly fleeing, but legacies live on...legacies are created in small, consistent steps along life's journey, not overnight...just as this notebook wasn't created overnight.  It was a process, it took time and consistency...this notebook holds true to the very testament of the legacy Nathan is creating and living in his life...it has the ups and the downs...the highs and the lows...the praises in the wins and the praises in the losses...it has everything that our family holds so dear...

And it is packed full of love...

And if I could ever pack a suitcase full of something to send Nathan off to college with, it would be love...

Mission accomplished.

Signing off,

Sappy Senior Mama