About College...and Stuff

The day after Christmas I was strolling through the mall, having a frappuccino and a good ole' time listening to mall music...I turned the corner and and there IT was staring at me with no apologies...sitting there taunting me, flaunting the inevitable right before my eyes, streamers and all...shiny, Happy New Year hats with "2018" floating atop of them like they were going to party like it was 1999...

It was then it hit me...my baby boy was going to be a graduate of the class of 2018...I have known this since he was born...I have had many years to prepare for this...but in this very moment, I felt not prepared at all...I was not ready!


I am a visual person so for me, seeing the numbers on the party hats and headbands just gutted me for a minute...

Reality...the year was not "on the way..." 
IT was here!

And here I am in the middle of IT...

IT is time!  IT is here!  IT is happening!

I am doing my best to embrace IT and evolve into IT...
Some days I stink at IT and some days...I don't.

That's really the plain ole' truth!

I am here today because of a recent conversation I had with Nathan, our 2018 graduate...(big mama sigh typing that!) Don't judge me y'all...

It went a little something like this...

Nathan and I were talking about college and stuff...a few minutes later he said he didn't know if he was "ready."  I wanted to scream, no baby boy, you are not ready!  Stay home with us forever!  BUT I did NOT!  (nor would I have done that!)  Instead, I told him the truth...

I told him I thought he was more than ready for college!  (and he is!)  Then I told him a little story about me...and him...

I explained that when I was eight months pregnant with him I was SO READY to have him!  I was fat, I was uncomfortable and I was so excited to have him and see his beautiful face.  I was all of the above and then some more!  Every week at check ups, I was filled with "is  IT going to be today?"  

And then IT got closer and closer...and then I freaked out.  
I, all of a sudden, was NOT ready!  I was not ready to have him!  I was not ready to be a mama!  I was terrified!  

I went on to explain that as much preparing as we had done to be his parents, and as many books as I had read on how to have a baby and be a mom, suddenly were NOT enough!

Then I looked at him and he knew exactly where I had taken this...

We connected on a different level than we had ever done before...I guess it was the "more grown up level!"  (I'm trying y'all! Give me credit for that!)

In this very moment, he understood the juxtaposition...

I ended our conversation by telling him it was completely natural to not feel ready before ANY change...it is very much a part of processing life and the stages of it...from beginning to end.  

Not too long after I had my freak out, IT was time!  I had Nathan!  Turns out, I was ready after all!  I was just afraid of the unknown and all that was going to come with it...and being afraid of the unknowns led me to believe I wasn't ready.  


Truth is, with every change, babies, jobs, school, teachers, classes, retirement, etc...comes the unknowns...and fear of being ready for the transition often comes right along with it!  But the  good news is, it goes away, sometimes as quickly as it came in!

I breathe a sigh of relief as I type that...he got it!  He really did!  

I can't close this blog post without acknowledging the raw beauty wrapped up in this simple story of the time in my life that I was not ready to have him...and now it is time to let him go...ah, the irony! (Kleenex and chocolate, stat please!)


I know what is on the horizon, graduation, college and all that stuff...and to be honest, I am trying not to look too far ahead into 2018...I am staying in the moment as much as I can...especially on the days I don't "feel ready" for IT!  I am not surprised how much I am leaning on my very own words that I shared with Nathan!  

Maybe some of you don't feel ready either so I will share these words with you too!

Because ready or not, here IT comes!


Signing Off,

Sappy Senior Mama





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